DON’T HURT YOU
We had a visit from an out-of-town friend recently. He was in the area for the funeral of a relative; this relative had committed suicide. Such conversations are obviously sad, but they are also far too frequent.
Did you know that there are more than twice as many suicides in this country as there are homicides? I was stunned when I read that.
Did you know that there are, on average, 129 suicides per day?
Did you know that there were an estimated 1.5 million suicide attempts in 2017?
Did you know that in that same year 7.4 percent of youth, grades 9-12, reported at least one attempt in the previous 12 months?
What is this strange human compulsion for self-destruction? Does this behavior occur anywhere else in creation? I know that there are some animals that will jump to their death while trying to avoid a predator; but that is not self-destruction; it is a grisly attempt at self-preservation.
There have been multiple times in my life when I did not want to live anymore. Whether due to some great personal failure; or some great personal tragedy; or just being tired of all the crap this world shovels at us. I simply did not want to go on. But in all my years, it has never once occurred to me to destroy myself. There is a very old command from Heaven: “you shall not murder”. It is a simple command. I am a simple man. I have always understood it to mean that I am not permitted to murder anyone, including myself.
I’m sure that many of you are more complicated than I am. Which is fine, (and probably more normal). Perhaps your approach to this subject is far more nuanced than mine. Perhaps in the past you have considered this as an option. Perhaps you are considering it now? I am not here to condemn you, and I would never make light of your suffering. I know what despair looks like. What it feels like. I am only here to remind you of a few things, before you let your heart wander down that dark road.
The first is this: There is only one of you. (I told you that I was simple) There is no one else who can be you. It is your job, and yes, sometimes your burden, to be you. You are not permitted to quit this job. You may think that you are doing a lousy job at being you, but there is no way that any of us could ever do a better job. There is work here for you to do. Do not leave.
Another thing to consider; you do not belong to you. I know that sounds jarring in our self-absorbed culture, but it is true. We use the term “taking your own life”, and I want to ask; taking it from who? You are not your own. You belong to all of us; you are part of a broader community, a subset of the human family. No matter how alone you may feel at a given time, there are those around you who see you. They interact with you a hundred different ways. If you quit, you will leave a hundred holes in this place. There is a wonderful line in the Tolkien book “The Return of the King”. One of the main characters, Gandalf, is confronting a man named Denethor, he is the Steward of Gondor. He is the ruler of a vast, ancient, noble realm. But he is full of despair, and while in the middle of committing suicide, he is interrupted by Gandalf. Mind you, Denethor has authority over thousands of square miles, and perhaps millions of lives. But Gandalf tells him bluntly, “Authority is not given to you, Steward of Gondor, to order the hour of your death.” Neither is it given to you. I think that I can speak for the rest of us in saying that we do not give you permission to leave.
Another thing to factor into your calculations is this; by committing suicide, you are, by default, endorsing suicide. You are proclaiming to everyone who knows you that this is an acceptable form of egress. Do you really want to communicate that to young people? To a depressed teen? I know that you don’t, you are not that selfish.
Also, consider this; existence is amazing. Have you ever thought about what a privilege it is to simply exist? How many times do sperm and egg fail to meet? How often do they meet, and nothing happens? Or something bad happens; a miscarriage or something else. And yet? Here you are. You think, that if you end it all, there will be no more pain; although how you could ever be certain of such a thing I cannot guess. But even granting that you may be correct; there will also be no more joy. No music. No pizza. No flirting. No super-hero movies. No conversation, or love, or animals, or swimming or beach or fishing…
You get the idea. Do not let despair talk you out of blessing.
The most important thing that I want you to remember is this; your life has value and meaning. You are the image of God.
I know that God is not fashionable these days. But I find Him unavoidable; I am unable to arrive at the end of any serious thought without bumping into Him. Could it be that our secular materialistic age is lying to us? Your heart may be telling you that you do not matter; that life is futile. Your heart is a liar. Do not listen to it. Do not trust it. I am not judging you; my heart lies to me all too often. That is why I spend most of my internal energy trying to lead my heart, not follow it. Why would I follow such a liar? Life is not a Disney movie, do not ever “follow your heart”. It is far to conflicted and selfish and confused. You must give it orders, instead of receiving orders from it.
The ancient Hebrew poet reminds us of the value of mankind when he says that God has made him, or her, “a little lower than the angels”. One of the inescapable conclusions of the Christian Gospel is that God has spent everything that He has on you. That means, He wants you. He values you. When you lay awake at night; tormented, confused, wanting to give up; it is because you KNOW that your life matters, or at least, that it is supposed to. You KNOW that your life has meaning. Everything in this world that tells you otherwise is a lie.
You may not buy into my faith. I am not trying to convert you. but when you look at the face in the mirror, you KNOW that you are not looking at nothing. You know that you matter. You may not feel it; all evidence may point to the contrary sometimes; but I am sure of one thing. You are loved. Will you accept that love?
I know that life can be hard, frustrating and painful; that people continue to let you down. Where has it ever been promised to us that it would be otherwise? But please do not leave us. We need you. No less than three times in the Bible we are given this remarkable promise about God, “He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes.” If you find yourself in a dark place this year, and you find yourself wanting to leave; talk to someone. Talking is always better than dying. Find a pastor, a therapist, a priest or minister. Heck talk to me. I am not good at such things; I make a terrible counselor. I am not even a good listener, just ask my wife. But I will listen to you for free for an hour each week; and I am sure that there are others who are reading this that will make the same commitment. In exchange for our time, (time being the most precious commodity that one human can give to another), you must only keep one promise to us all…
Don’t hurt you.
Peace.
p.s. if you are looking for further help here are some links:
talk before you leap.