DADS

   I became a father in 1989.

After eight kids and now six grandkids, so far, I was wondering what I would tell that cocky young man in his mid- twenties? Would he listen? Probably not, he is very proud and resentful of advice. One of my main complaints about the way we are forced to live in this world is that we do not seem to know what is important about life until we have lived most of it. What do I wish I knew? What would I say to young JD?

I would tell him to work hard every day at being gentler, especially with his words. Words can do more damage than grenades.

I would tell him not to waste his time and money on parenting books and classes. These things collapse under the weight of real children. The books will only make you feel inadequate. You are inadequate, get over it. There are no real “experts” in this field, how could there be?

I would tell him that he is no longer simply a man. He is now a giant striding across the landscape of a child’s memories and life; each footfall bringing either blessing or hardening to their tender hearts. No teaching could prepare a man for that. So he must drop to his knees every day and pray as hard as he can for his kids, and for himself. Because there is only one perfect father.

I would tell him that when they are little he can get his kids to trust in God, and he can even make them happy. But, as they get older, faith and happiness are things they must choose for themselves. You cannot make a person believe, and you cannot make another person happy, not even your own kids. You are not God. Dads only have influence; we do not have control.

I would tell him that when they are loud and driving him crazy; when all he wants is peace and quiet, and he wants to explode; he should smile instead. Because he will spend much of the second half of his life sitting in a quiet house, missing his kids.

I would tell him to always be a safe place to his kids. So they know, whatever may be happening in their world, at any age, they can always go to their father’s house, because he is safe.

I would tell him that the best, and simplest, way to love his kids, is to love their mother. His sons will see that women are meant to be cherished. His daughters will see that they, themselves, are treasures, and they will seek out men who treat them the way they saw their father treat their mother.

I would tell him that one day his beautiful daughters will be attracted to other men, and that it is alright to kill those men. Just kidding. Maybe. 😊

I would tell him that his sons are always watching him. Whether he knows it or not and whether they know it or not.

I would tell him that he cannot hug his daughters enough. They need it; so does he.

I would tell him to do whatever he can to have family meals; they will be gone someday. I miss the magic of the dinner table.

I would tell him that he will be glad he watched Saturday morning cartoons with his kids instead of working on the house. The house can wait, the kids cannot.

I would tell him that digging in the sand on the beach, or night fishing off a pier, is of more value to kids than homework or grades. Everyone remembers vacations, no one remembers grades.

I would tell him that he should always goof off with them, take walks with them and buy them Slurpee’s and candy, and take trips and vacations with them as much as possible. Dads are supposed to be fun. Never grow up.

I would tell him to simply enjoy his kids. They are an amazing gift that God does not give to every man. A gift that never seems to stop giving. So enjoy them. Enjoy them when they are little. Enjoy them as they grow. Enjoy them when they are grown and have kids of their own. When they come to visit, stop what you are doing and go enjoy them.

The New Testament encourages us to think of God as “Abba”. An Aramaic word that basically means “dad” or “daddy”. I like the intimacy that represents.

 I love being with my kids, they are the best part of me. I wish they would always live within walking distance of me. I wish that I could take them all on multiple vacations every year just to be together. But that is not practical. Alas, I hate practical. Some might think that my longing is unhealthy. Some might call me selfish. I do not care. I will not apologize for being like God. He is bending all of history to one inevitable conclusion: Him, living with his children. You see he is not just a creator, sustainer and king. He is not some generic distant father. He is active, he is involved. His mind and his heart are ever on his kids. God is a Dad.

Happy Father’s Day

“My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.”        CB Kelland