When I was twenty-four years old I became a husband.
People immediately began pushing marriage books at us. Someone even paid for us to go to a weekend marriage conference; Christians seem to like that stuff; it never meant anything to me. The information was overwhelming and never held my attention. They meant well, but my new wife and I were bewildered by it all. Marriage classes and books go on about the tedious complexities of proper communication and the intricacies of male/female relationships. The constant refrain was always about how much hard work a good marriage is and if you are going to make it you need these ten steps, or those seven points of whatever. It made us sad to be told by these so-called experts that our new marriage was destined to become a colorless prison camp that we had to grit our way through instead of the luscious banquet we foolishly thought it was. My young bride and I threw all the books away and have never been to another class or conference. We have never looked back.
Over the years I am occasionally asked by a new husband if I have any advice or counsel to give. I do not. I am not a counselor; I have no aptitude for it. Because what they usually mean by counsel is advice on everything; how to manage a household, finances, communication, sex, conflict resolution and a dozen other things. I am sure there are many wise people who can give good counsel in all these areas, but I am not one of them. I am mostly incompetent on the details and logistics of life; they bore me. But if there was one thing I could drive into the head of a new husband; one thing that would save a thousand marriages, it would be this:
Cherish her.
Does that sound old fashioned or simplistic? I don’t care, do it anyway. Cherish her, and most of those other things will take care of themselves. Cherish her every day, and every day let her know that you cherish her. Buy her gifts and bring her coffee and grab her and hug her every day for decades. Never stop cherishing her. Put a price tag on her so high that no other man on earth would ever be able to pay. Never take her for granted. See her for what she is, an insane present that you get to unwrap and enjoy every day. A treasure. She does not belong to you; you do not own her. You do not deserve her. She is a fantastic gift on loan to you from Heaven. Women are amazing. They are so much better than us in so many ways. The fact that God would trust you with one should fill you with awe and make you nervous. It should also make you grateful.
Decide now to cherish her every day for the rest of your life; love is a decision. Cherish her when she is strong and healthy. Cherish her when she is sick and weak. Cherish her when she is happy, when she is sad, when she is singing in the car, when she is pregnant and puking, when she is mad at your mother, when she is happy with you, when she is frustrated with you, when she looks amazing and when she does not. Love is a decision.
Cherish her when you do not feel like cherishing her. A treasure does not cease to be a treasure simply because you do not see it for a moment. The Crown Jewels do not suddenly become worthless simply because the man standing in front of them is blind. A child may not understand the value of a large ruby when they carelessly play with it or toss it away. Yet the stone is objectively priceless. Remember, it is not you that makes her a treasure, it is God. She was a treasure before you met her, she will still be a treasure after you are gone. You were just lucky enough to have stumbled across her.
Husband is a noun, but it is also a verb. It is something you do. Cherishing is an act of the will. Every day when you open your eyes and look next to you, do not just see a wife, a lover, a friend; see your treasure. Jesus said that where your treasure is that’s where your heart will be. He was referring to Heaven when he said that but, in his grace, he has given you a piece of Heaven here in this life now; cherish it. One day you will wake up and realize what you truly are; what you have been all along. The richest man on earth, a husband.
“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” – Song of Solomon
“She is more precious than jewels.” – Proverbs
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
- Winston Churchill